My excuse? I'm dating God

I recently read a Facebook status of a friend of mine inquiring about the positive aspect of being single.  I am, I believe, very well versed in this topic as I have gone my entire life being single and have no "prospects" (so to speak) at the moment.  My grandmother stopped asking me if there were any "special friends" in my life (imagine a 93 year-old woman asking this) a few years ago and friends have stopped assuming anything about my relationship status other than single.  But, for me, I would never say I'm dating God or wanting to focus on Him instead of a relationship.

Disclaimer: Before you read on or get angry and close my blog, please understand that I have no problem whatsoever with someone "dating" God or saying that they want to focus on Him and not a human relationship.  In fact, I have advised many people to adopt this mindset.  A lot of people become dating/relationship addicts and need to feel what a close relationship with God is like.  If they "date" God they can treat their relationship with Him like they do a relationship with someone of the opposite gender.  Or, if someone has just got out of a relationship, it's usually best to take time away from dating and really focus healing from the relationship before jumping back into the dating pool.

But not everyone falls under these categories and most of us who are single just lament the fact that we are single.  And, let's face it, singleness is not usually painted in a favorable light.  People who are single are portrayed as either (A) on the look-out for the next great guy/girl/man/woman or (B) bitter and career-focused, not willing to compromise on anything and really, deep down, unhappy with life.  Yet I can guarantee you that, out of everyone who reads this blog, they will not all fall in these two descriptions.

I don't fall under either of these descriptions.  Yes, I'm focused on my career, but not so much that people take the back seat.  Actually, I've chosen a job that encourages me to make sure people are prioritized.  And I'm not on the lookout for the next great man.  Sure, I keep my eyes open, but I don't think "Could this be the one?" every time I meet a random guy.  That's absurd!  Not to mention draining and terrible for friendships.  And, if pop culture and "He's Just Not That Into You" has taught me anything, it's that the guy will make it happen and I just need to chill out.  (My only thought on this is to the gentlemen: Make it happen if you want something to happen.  Thanks.)

Now, as a happily single person, I think there are a lot of positive things about being single.  YET, if I truly love whoever I'm dating (and, yes, this is probably later in the relationship), these positives will pale in comparison to everything positive about being in a relationship.  But for now I choose to focus on the great freedom in my life to do whatever I want whenever I want at no inconvenience or disrespect to others.  All the other "positive" stuff really is just using singleness as an excuse to treat our bodies as less then temples (see 1 Corinthians 6:19).

The positive that most Christians raise is that, while single, we are able to really focus our heart, soul, and mind on God and obey His will.  This, I am happy to say, is false.  In actuality, it is based on the misinterpretation and mis-contextualization of Scripture.  Most people direct us to 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul instructs the people of Corinth in the ways of marriage and non-marriage.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband....

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

~ 1 Corinthians 7:1-3; 6-9

In an initial reading of this passage, it seems that Paul is instructing people to marry only if they can't control themselves.  But we have to understand who was reading the letter.

The city of Corinth was a central hub of their world.  Almost every person had a reason to go to Corinth at some point in their life, weather it be for tourism or for work as it was one of the main ports between the Saronic Gulf and Corinthian Gulf.  It's kind of on the same level as Paris, New York, and L.A. today.  This brought people with varying traditions and lifestyles to the city.  Corinth also had the temple of Aphrodite, the goddess of love, which housed over 1,000 cult prostitutes who sold themselves in the name of religion.  The people in the Corinthian church had lived in this culture for years before hearing the Gospel and dedicating their life to Jesus.

The new Christians had also been under intense persecution from the Jewish people.  Those who converted from Judaism had to deal with old friends and maybe even family members disowning them and/or publicly ridiculing them.  They were even banned from the synagogue, a place of worship and rest. The Gentile Christians were despised and rejected along with their fellow Jewish-Christian brothers and sister, but were also dealing with the temptations of their former life.  With all the convenience of sin at their finger tips, they were tortured with temptations by just walking down the street and probably also by their friends and family.

Also, with the wide variety of backgrounds represented in the Church, there were bound to be disagreements on the interpretation of Scripture.  Paul addresses this throughout the letter, speaking to everyone at one point or another in the letter.  One of the biggest subjects was that of sexual immorality.

Now understanding this brief background of the people of Corinth, re-read the above excerpt from 1 Corinthians 7 (or read the whole chapter).

Whenever someone lives in a lifestyle of sin for a long time, it is usually advisable for that person to completely avoid that act, whether or not the act in-and-of-itself is sinful.  For instance, an alcoholic should not even tempt themselves by walking into a liquor store or serving alcoholic beverages to anyone.  To the best of their ability, their life should remain dry.  It's not that drinking alcohol is necessarily wrong.  The addiction to and abuse of the substance is wrong.  Paul is advising these people in a similar manner: if possible, the sex addicts should refrain from sex unless they cannot gain control.  In this case, they should definitely get married so as not to sin.

Now, Paul does not say here (or anywhere, for that matter) that marriage is bad.  He is saying that, because of their social situation, they should avoid marriage because it will give them more trouble than good.  Marriage is not just something to keep people from sinning.  God created the partnership between a man and a woman because it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).  At this moment, God created marriage.  And, since God's solution to the problem of man's loneliness was marriage,  then marriage is good.  We must also remember that God created this sacrament before sin had entered the world.  Marriage was uncontaminated and perfect.  God did not create it to keep Adam from sinning, but to make his life good.

When Paul says that he has been blessed with the gift of celibacy (a rare gift of control over sexual urgings) and wants others to have the same, he is merely saying that he wishes more people were blessed with this gift.  Considering the social environment in which the people reading this letter were immersed, it make sense that it would boost the church if more people weren't even tempted by the prominent sin.  But unfortunately that was not the case. Paul is not saying that it is wrong for them not to be blessed with that gift, but is merely wishing for something.

Saying that marriage is a sin and that the gift of celibacy is necessary for all Christians is the same as saying that all people should have the gift of preaching or leadership.  Paul clearly had those, but he never says that everyone should be a preacher or leader.  In fact, Paul recognizes the beauty found in the diversity in the church.  Later in 1 Corinthians, Paul describes the church as a body and highlights the effectiveness of the many parts.  He says:

For the body does not consist of one member but of many...If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing?  If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?  But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them as He chose.  If all were a single member, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. (1 Corinthians 12:14, 17-20; emphasis added)

If this is not a public declaration of the need of varied gifts, I don't know what is.  He concludes this thought reminding the church that, no matter what, every gift needs to be seasoned with love.  Gifts are nothing without love, whether it be celibacy or not.

Just one more point and I will be done.

For those who believe that we can focus more on God while single than while we're in a relationship, wake up.  We are supposed to make everything in our life be about loving God and serving Him better.  By participating in marriage we are doing something that should reveal to us something more about God.  He has left His fingerprints all over creation (Romans 1:20).  Therefore, His fingerprints are on marriage.  If someone you are dating distracts you from God, then you shouldn't be with them.  Any relationship, whether romantic or not, should direct our attention to God, not take our focus away.

That's what I have to say on the subject.  Any thoughts?