Gentleness. We all have different understandings of the practical application of this trait. As children we are told to be gentle when petting an animal or holding a baby. As we grow up, it becomes a bit more abstract. Telling us "Be gentle with so-and-so" is supposed to give us some sort of guidance on how we treat them. Yet what I believe to be gentle may still feel like sandpaper to another. Or, in rare cases, someone might interpret my gentleness as condescension.
And it doesn't help that our culture throws conflicting views of gentleness at us wherever we go. One moment us girls are told it's the quiet, gentle girl who gets the hero-man, the next we're instructed that we must be independent and focused--if people get in the way, that's their problem. I don't want to speculate too much about what men are being told, but I assume that macho and gentle are considered opposites.
So, how on earth (and I mean that very literally, since in heaven we'll be in sinless bliss. Come quickly, Lord!) are we supposed to achieve gentleness whilst remaining bold and strong with so much muddled confusion circling the subject?
Many try to avoid the subject and choose passivity in the attempt to appear gentle. But, unfortunately, gentleness is not necessarily passive. Yes, sometimes we are called to step back and be "passive" for a bit, but passivity is rarely (if ever) demonstrated for us in the Bible. Paul the apostle writes strong, harsh words to some churches who have fallen away from the truth. He calls the Galatians "anoétos" which is interpreted "mindless", "foolish", or "just plain stupid" (Galatians 3:1). Jesus, the Prince of Peace, calls the pharisees "whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean." (Matthew 23:27) These comments were neither passive nor gentle.
But Jesus was a very gentle man. Children felt safe around Him and He reached out to touch people who were unwanted. He was approachable. The Bible tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is characterized by gentleness (Galatians 5 22). We are instructed to be gentle.
But in my experience people have used gentleness as an excuse to avoid a problem. More people are hurt than helped by this method. The other extreme is to throw gentleness to the wind for the sake of addressing an issue. Yet, once again, more people are hurt than helped by this method. And of all the people who have confronted me about something--and there have been quite a few--I remember maybe two who have done so in a way that addressed the issue as well as my human fragility. Shouldn't this be the way in the Christian family? Shouldn't it always be beautifully balanced, never sacrificing the pursuit of truth and goodness nor state of mankind for the sake of the other?
Some who read this may believe me to be the last person in the world to have any authority in addressing this matter. To those people, I would say you are right. If I consistently fail at anything, it is gentleness. If something needs to be addressed or an uncomfortable topic needs to be raised, I'm the person for the job. But if a delicate subject comes up, don't call me. I'll be clueless but my desire to help will prompt me to give ideas that are probably no good. It would be much better for you to find someone else who understands gentleness.
There are many reasons I consistently fail in this area--one can only survive in the performance world of musical theatre, opera, and film/TV for so long before a thick skin takes shape. But the main reason is my sinful nature. I could explain my rough edges with my childhood and the hurts I've had while growing up and performing, but that only affected me like it did because I am inherently sinful. And unfortunately, this sinfulness has been left relatively untouched in this aspect of my life. I have needed my thick skin to protect myself from instructors, directors, P.A.'s, roommates, and so many more who cared little for my soul...until recently. And until recently I have lived amoungst others needing to grow the same thick skin. Vulnerability opened one up to a relentless attack from the enemy. All of us learned to nurture the thick skin and fend for ourselves. Unfortunate, yes, but true.
I say all this to explain my struggle with gentleness. I rarely open up this much (which makes sense considering where I've been for the past 10 years), but a recent confrontation (done so very well) has reminded me that I need to focus much of my energy on this area of my life. I must learn to be gentle because God wants me to be gentle.
To anyone I have hurt with my lack of gentleness, I am deeply, deeply sorry. The last thing in the world that I want to do is hurt anyone. If I have caused you pain with my sarcasm, know that it was never meant as a real stab at you. Having been on the receiving end of so many seriously mean comments, I understand your hurt. I hate that I may have caused anyone the same pain I have felt in the past. If I have hurt you with a disregard for you or your feelings, I am SO sorry. Please understand that I do not intend to disregard your feelings! That was unintentional. It is wrong of me to do anything which could cause you to feel ignored.
I know a public apology like this can be considered easy or too general, but I am coming to realize that there are more people than I would like to admit who have been hurt by my ungentle words. As far back as I can remember, I have felt deeply sorry whenever I have caused someone pain. So, whether I hurt you today or 20 years ago, I am sorry. I praise God that He gives allowance for unintentional/inadvertent sins! (See Leviticus 4-6:7) If you desire to talk through whatever happened, please contact me so we can talk and I can apologize more personally.
My pursuit for gentleness is really just now beginning, but I have hope in God, who is my strength. Trust me, addressing this subject is difficult for me, but I know it will be worth every step. I challenge you to do the same. Look that sin you've been avoiding for so long straight in the eyes and tell it to get. After all, we are free from the grasp of sin (Romans 8:2) and serve the Lord who holds the keys of Death and Hades (Revelation 1:18)!
Praise be to God for His wondrous and glorious ways!
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me. When you seek Me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord..." (Jeremiah 29:11-14a)
